


Alone

by Aenorno



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, F/M, Failed Relationships, Loss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-28 07:33:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17178623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aenorno/pseuds/Aenorno
Summary: Hawke loved fiercely and far too easily. A piece about the people she's loved and lost.





	Alone

He shouldn’t be counted, Hawke supposed.

They never so much as hugged. The flirtation and longing glances bridged them together, punctuated by the innocent brush of hands that made her heart race.

The handsome mage with sad eyes. Hawke, desperate to keep Bethany alive, was drawn to Anders like a moth to a flame. He burned so brightly, refusing to submit to the Templars. They became inseparable, joined at the hip. He stoked her passions and made her laugh. No small task considering her family’s slow struggle out of poverty those first few years.

She didn’t even care about Justice. How could he be worse than what she’d already endured?

Anders surged to meet her support like a dying man clutching a lifeline. They met in the Hanged Man nearly every night, laughing about his days as a Warden or Hawke's childhood in Ferelden. In the privacy of his clinic, he opined about the plight of mages, his voice crescendoing into passionate cries for action.

She loved it, but fate was never kind.

_“I’m sorry. I can’t.”_

_“You deserve better than a fugitive with no future.”_

Like a fool, tears stung the backs of her eyes and her throat swelled shut. He refused to look at her, perhaps because his eyes were stinging too.

They weren’t in love. Not yet, at least. 

But Hawke, aching for _someone,_ felt the dismissal like a stab to her gut. Lillian swallowed his rejection and moved on. What else could she do? She’d survived the death of her brother, the Blight, and a year of servitude. There were worse things ahead, and she had to go forward.

So she did.

As if nothing had ever happened. Day by day, their conversations slipped back into their easy familiarity. She smiled with him again. 

* * *

 

Hawke grew to love another, but Anders grew to love her.

She pretended not to notice his hands trembling when he reached to heal her, or how he cast lingering looks her way. She  _needed_ his friendship. Not a word of what might've been passed his lips, but he couldn't hide his scowl when she walked just a bit closer to Fenris. 

He confronted her that very night. Anders, eyes dark with anger, demanded to know what she saw in him and snapped about how she deserved a better man.

Lillian grasped for words, so breathlessly angry that her mouth sat silently agape, floundering for the worst possible thing to say to him.

“ _He’s a good man.”_

Anders laughed, an incredulous sound, and Hawke’s heart wrenched. Once, she'd delighted in his laughter. Now it looked like an Orlesian mask- a smile painted on a face that wasn’t quite his anymore.

_“A man? He seems less a man to me than a wild dog.”_

_“Your opinions on who I sleep with are no longer your concern, Anders.”_

_"I love you!"_

The mage then flinched as if she’d struck him across the face. Hawke clenched her fists to hide her shaking hands and set her jaw to hide her emotion. The air crackled around him, stray bits of magic reacting to his emotion. The anger was slipping, replaced by reddened eyes and ragged breathing. He turned on his heel and strode out, his black coat whipping around his gaunt form.

* * *

 

She misjudged him.

A silent accord was struck between the two of them- not to discuss what was said that night. She clung tight to his friendship for the sake of days long since passed, even as Justice stole him away.

She would've done anything for him- to keep him. And she did.

Lillian fell for his little trick with the distraction- hook, line, and sinker.

So there they sat. Not so much as a shimmer of a tear in his eye as the ash that had been the Chantry dusted his golden head. He sat before her blade, chin high and shoulders back. Defiant to the very end. Fury, horror, and something that felt like pride warred in her heart for dominance.

_“I give my life for something much greater than myself, Lily. Do what you must.”_

Hawke's hands shook as she stared at this man she almost loved, her chest heaving beneath her armor. These people must not see her cry.  _Meredith_ must not see her cry.

She yanked him up by the collar of his robes, her breath hot on his face. Not anything fazed him as of late, but Lillian's anger seared through him like a brand. A pair of fiery brown eyes and predatory snarl swallowed up the chaos of Kirkwall. " _You will help me fix this."_ With all the strength she possessed, she shoved him on the ground.

Hawke fought that night like a cornered animal, or so Varric had told her after the fact. She remembered only cradling her baby sister in her arms one last time before sending him away.

Her very soul felt as if it were being ripped asunder. This time, it was her sending him away.

The tears tasted every bit as bitter as she remembered.


End file.
